Word count:6092
hey this is Leo for actualised dot-org and in this video I want to talk about why women fall for [ __ ] so two women fall for [ __ ] or what this is a fun topic I like thinking about this stuff I like think about any kind of female attraction or dating type of topics it's just fascinating to me I want to cover this because I have some ideas about it because I've talked to so many women I've tried to hit on so many women literally thousands of women that I think I have a little bit of insight into this topic I'm sure some women have a different perspective on this but we'll see where it goes so basically here's my thinking on this idea women do fall for [ __ ] I've encountered this I've actually encountered it through my coaching too I coach people professionally right and I find this where a woman will fall for a guy who she knows is not the right guy for her who she knows is the bad guy who she knows she should not be in a relationship with but then she simply can't break that off cannot break it off and it's it's baffling to me not only that but it's kind of scary right it's kind of scary that a guy can have such a hold over a woman and I just experienced as embarrassed relationships that I've been in that this kind of effect happens and just from all the different stuff that I studied and all the people that I've talked to and clients that have coached so here's my theory about how this works it's actually pretty simple so here's what happens a woman in a man what is she attracted to she's attracted to confidence she's attracted to assertiveness she's attracted to status and she's attracted to edginess and she's attracted to a certain sense of indifference in the man now a lot of times a woman won't want to admit this she won't admit it to herself she won't admit it to other people she'll challenge me on it right but the fact is that this is universally what women like I mean I didn't want to believe this when I started out a few years ago angie was just studying you know how to get a girlfriend I want you to try to get better and better with women because I was really bad I did not want to leave this I was a total nice guy total choad nice guy right I would supplicate to the woman I would try to do everything to please her and of course no woman ever would want to date me or be receptive to that women hate hate hate that they run away from it because what it does is it sub communicates low status and low value a woman wants a high value guy she wants a guy who has higher value in her eyes at least you know she perceives a guy to be higher value than her and for for her what that means in a guy is that he is assertive he's dominant he's edgy he's brash he's got options with lots of girls and he's indifferent a lot of these characteristics there's a problem with it because these are characteristics that create an [ __ ] right so at the same time the girl loves these characteristics because they demonstrate masculinity they demonstrate a lot of confidence and authority a lot of status and a lot of value in a man but it's also the case that a lot of times the men who are the most assertive who are the most dominant who are the most edgy who are the most indifferent and who have the most options with women they're socially proofed then those guys are the biggest dicks of the whole population and so if a woman is looking and screening guys really really hard on these criteria and she's looking for the guy who maxes out each one of these stats you might say I almost think about it like a RPG game like a guy has stats right you've got a sort of this dominance edginess indifference of social proof with other girls and if you're maxed out on all those then man you're going to do really well with women but with those characteristics also come certain drawbacks certain character defects you might say which then come back to bite the woman in the ass except it's interesting how this works because here's how it works a woman is at an at a bar nightclub maybe she's in a cafe guy comes to chat her up right if he comes in there and he's very weak no assertiveness no confidence he's mumbling he's shy he's insecure he doesn't have strong eye contact he has bad body language he's done he's not getting anywhere with that girl if a guy comes in there he's he's witty he's charismatic he's very assertive he instantly assumes rapport with that woman even though she's a total stranger he just has the ability to assume complete rapport with her he has the ability to get very physical very quickly with her he has the ability to be edgy she has the ability to be adventurous and brash he's the ability to say whatever he feels like without giving a [ __ ] what she thinks or anybody else thinks he's very icy he's chill he's almost carefree like he doesn't care about anything he doesn't care if he gets this girl he doesn't because he feels like he has so many options with other girls he feels like he's very sexy he feels very confident in himself he loves the way he looks he's very arrogant in himself he thinks like he's the [ __ ] that kind of guy if he comes up to a girl bar club cafe wherever she's gonna fall in love with him like very very quickly it's scary how quickly this happens I know because I used to be the the former guy and now I've really been building myself up into this into this ladder guy and man the difference is enormous its enormous it's it's almost obnoxious how enormous this difference is and for a long time I didn't want to believe it because when you're a nice guy you want the girl to like you and you want to rationalize in your mind that well I'm a nice guy you know I want to do nice things for the girl yes I'm a little bit shy you know yes I'm a little bit supplicating to her but she should like that because I'm doing stuff for her and even women will think that this is what they wanted a man and maybe this is what they want later in the relationship with a man but this is not what they're attracted to what they're attracted to is that [ __ ] he doesn't strictly have to be an [ __ ] but it just so happens that a lot of times the [ __ ] is the one who is the most assertive the most dominant the most edgy the most brash the most indifferent and he's also a player because when he's that he's got so many options with girls he doesn't care about any particular girl and what a girl is actually attracted to is that even though a girl is not attracted to a player per se a girl is never going to be like oh you screwed a hundred girls so that's really sexy to me no girl will never think that but she's attracted to all these qualities assertiveness dominance cockiness edginess and independence from outcome right the guy when he's talking to the girl has to literally not care whether he gets her or not if he goes in there with that kind of attitude that his chances of getting her are exponentially higher than if he comes in there acting needy and desperate and really meeting her for sex or love or companionship or whatever else well what kind of guy is totally indifferent to whether he gets the girl or not is that a guy who has very little sexual experience or guy has enormous sexual experience it's a guy who has enormous sexual experience so even though a girl in her mind logically she's not going to say yeah I want a guy with lots and lots of sexual experience in practice that is what you're saying as a woman if you're looking and screening guys very hard for this for these kind of very masculine characteristics because the way you develop those is by banging lots of girls the guys that have those characteristics at bay lots of girls because girls love them so much and it's so easy it's ridiculously easy and of course the guys that don't have those characteristics they're really struggling because they're not getting the girls that are they're really struggling to find those kind of girls so what happens is a girl meets this kind of guy you know who's alpha who's masculine on all these various characteristics and of course she's very attracted to him she gets this emotional wave and she just gets swept up in the emotions of it of course he's got a killer attitude he's got a killer instinct so he knows how to do it he has sex with her really quickly he has sex with her really quickly there's no logic in there there's no screening for any relationship criteria or anything it's just sex and once the girl has sex unlike a guy who has sex and he doesn't really get attached that much a girl she has a different response she has a chemical response oxytocin gets released in her brain in her system and that oxytocin has a very interesting effect it creates this emotional attachment it's almost like a duckling on duckling that's born and when a duckling is born the first thing it sees it gets imprinted on it's called imprinting this what they call in psychology if the duckling sees the mother the duckling will think that that mother is his mother if he sees the first thing that he sees is not the mother but something else like a sock puppet that he'll think that that sock puppet is his mother and that's just kind of like you know a biological mechanism that evolved in a duckling which helps it survive when in its youth now women have this kind of mechanism - and what happens is that after sex especially after a few times of sex especially the sex is amazingly good which of course if the guy has a lot of sexual experience it will be amazingly good so she has this amazing sex with this guy and of course now she's in love with him what is this this is a chemical response of course it doesn't feel a chemical response it feels like an emotional response it feels like this is the perfect guy he's amazing my true love I finally found him that's what it feels like and at this point the girl she doesn't really know this guy she slept with this guy maybe a couple of times she knows a little bit about him but she doesn't really understand his full identity his full is full personality so what happens that she gets emotionally attached but see the characteristics of this alpha guy that make him so attractive to the woman in the first place those characteristics are also the exact same characteristics which create problems in one's life if they're out of balance not always but it tends to be a double-edged sword and so what happens is that it comes back to bite the woman in the ass a lot of times so the woman she gets emotionally attached and in this relationship she's running off the emotions she's literally hooked to this to this guy like a drug there's no logic going on here right there's no logic I've coached a woman like this in this kind of situation logic is no good we can talk for a month about how this guy is not right for you how he is abusing you or how he's not filling the criteria that you want for a man in your life we can talk about all of that you will agree if you're the woman you will agree to all of it and then you still will not leave that guy we'll do it why is this the case because you're running off emotions and this chemical response it's like a drug addiction it's very hard just like a drug addict you know that the drug is not good for you you know that it's getting out of hand you know that you should quit it but you can't just because it's hard of the chemical addiction it's not a logical thing so this is why women will fall for an [ __ ] and then she'll stay stuck with that [ __ ] for a long long long long time this can create codepen relationships abusive relationships toxic relationships you know needless fighting in relationships a lot of up and down drama that kind of stuff and see this guy's bad character traits they don't really become obvious until much later into the relationship so something for example like being very very assertive a guy who's very very assertive is the kind of guy a lot of times who has to not give a [ __ ] about what people think of him now this can be a good thing in certain contexts but this can also be a bad thing in certain context and inevitably it tends it ends up backfiring on the woman because actually as the woman in the relationship you want that deeper intimacy and you actually want to like communicate with your man right communication is important to you you want to be on the same wavelength you want to be able to talk about intimate topics you want him to be able to be receptive to have that kind of back and forth that's necessary for a successful long-term healthy relationship you also want to be able to work out problems if there's a problem between you between him you want to be able to sit down talk that stuff out well with a guy who doesn't give a [ __ ] what anybody thinks about him does he care about that do you think he's more likely to sit down with you and listen to that kind of stuff than the stereotypical nice guy that you have sex with no right a lot of times these kind of guys they just don't give a [ __ ] they don't give a [ __ ] and as the woman you end up finding yourself in a situation where you really love this guy and you're trying to do everything you can to make this relationship work but there's certain things about what he's doing or either certain things you may be wanting to kind of tweak and change when you talk to him about something but you can't talk to him because it's like talking to a [ __ ] wall right it doesn't it just doesn't it doesn't penetrate because that's that's the dead double edge that you're dealing with here on the one hand it's very sexy on the other hand you're dealing with a stubborn mule the same goes with some these other characteristics being dominant also really feeds into that being indifferent really the same thing being edgy and brash these kinds of personality characteristics they all tend to have this double edge to them and it's nice in certain situations but it's bad in other situations and over time inevitably these bad character traits they start manifesting more and more and more and more and really if you want to maintain a long-term healthy relationships it takes work this is not something that you just kind of get involved in and then you expect it to go on and everything's beautiful takes lots and lots and lots of work two people really have to core choreograph and coordinate their movements long-term to make it to make it work because honestly what's going to happen is that the man will have flaws the woman will also have flaws if you want to keep it together you both need to be working on your flaws simultaneously you both need to be cool with it you both need to have good communication between the two of you so that you're on the same wavelength you can make that coordination happen and also you need to be growing in your relationship at kind of a similar pace so that one is not outgrowing the other and you're keeping a certain balance in equilibrium there well that's really hard to do with a guy who's extremely assertive dominant independent edgy and brash and has options with tons of other girls hard to do it so inevitably what happens is that you really fall hard as the woman you fall hard for this guy but then because what you really want is you want that deep intimate relationship right it's hard there's a couple of problems here one is that its first of all hard to pin this guy down it's hard to pin him down because a player has so many options with other girls that frankly you need to be a extremely high-caliber girl to lock this guy down because he has to say in his mind well you know what I can go out and if I go out three nights a week I can get let's say one real asleep with me and every every couple of weeks I can get a really hot girl asleep with me so I've got all the sexual abundance now I can either choose to be with this one girl with you or but then I have to give up all my sexual abundance or I have to keep my sexual abundance but then I'm not I'm not really exclusive with you and I'm not doing the whole you know lovey dovey really deep intimate relationship thing so for him it's like which one do I want am I going to give up all the sexual abundance just for you if I am that means you got to be bring a lot to the table that's how a guy thinks now this might sound harsh this might sound dickish this might sound very calculating but the fact is that both men and women think this way and it's not even something that happens consciously it's simply kind of like inner wiring a woman evaluates a man also very very harshly in terms of values it's just as the values are different a man's values what he's a value and a woman are also very harsh but different we're both screening each other very rigorously but just in very different ways and one of the problems I see people doing is is saying well but women treat your woman's screen men unfairly and then men will say you know women treat screen men unfairly and women will say no men screen women unfairly actually there's no fairness or unfairness here we're both screening each other pretty rigorously so the point here being is that it's going to be hard for you to lock this guy down if he has a lot of options with women which invariably he does because he's got that personality that you got attracted to in the first place but the second thing is that is going to be hard to maintain that kind of equilibrium with this person right it can be hard to do that because his personality really is it suited for that you would be much better off with that nice guy right that carry nice guy who doesn't feel like an [ __ ] you could actually maintain a pretty good relationship with him the problem though is that you're not attracted to him you want him logically but in practice when you meet a guy you're not attracted to that kind of guy so this is what happens and there's another even even additional aspect that makes this thing even worse is that when you have an assertive dominant individual in a relationship what will almost always tend to happen is that person will start to abuse his power this is not even something that he consciously does this is something that has been proven through psychological studies there's some classical studies that they did where literally what they do is they will take prison inmates and they'll create this kind of laboratory setting whether it put us to a prison guard it will they'll put one person in the role the prison guard and they'll put another person in the role of the prisoner and what tends to happen is that prison guard because he has so much authority and control over the situation that just over time even if the prison guard is a good person over time he becomes more and more and more corrupt with that power to the point where you start to get prisoner abuse this is how prisoner abuse happens in various prisons because the guards feel like they have so much power over the prisoners they can literally do anything they want and when nobody's watching them that power gets abused so this happens with most human beings it's not really that it's even the guy's fault so much it's just a tendency for that to happen so the problem here is that if you have a relationship I think where one person is very very very dominant and assertive over another then that person needs to be either needs to have extremely good sense of value and morals in his life in order to make that work out or what's going to happen is he's going to become abusive he's going to start to exploit this relationship it's just kind of like human nature to do this and so this worsens the situation even more because that means that if you had one of those you know nice guys then he wouldn't be assertive he wouldn't be dominant he wouldn't he wouldn't try to abuse the power in the relationship but you've got this [ __ ] guy this player guy and he will do it even if he doesn't want to it's a really freaky phenomenon because I've noticed it in myself like I come from the from a place where I'm extremely nice guy nice guy mode and I'm still very nice guy I care about the girl a lot more than I see my friends caring about their girls but another thing that I noticed is that when I am in a relationship where we're we have this like a big gap between between me and the girl what I notice is that if I feel like I have more power over her if I feel like she's the really needy one and I'm the indifferent one in the relationship I feel like I start to get a little bit corrupt the power has to corrupt me a little bit because I know that I have so much influence over this girl and I have to really like hold myself back because it's very tempting right and I'm I'm the kind of guy who in all fairness like is a lot more conscious about this stuff than the average guy so I'll never go into the frame where I'm actually abusive that's never gonna happen with me but with what kind of a lower caliber guy that will definitely be a possibility that's why a lot of women will will get into abusive relationships physically abusive verbally abusive you know lots of anger emotional abuse like that kind of stuff that's why that happens is because of this this this this gap that exists and because this guy has this kind of personality that just feeds into it even more and more and he really kind of gets drunk with that power so this is kind of the dynamic that's going on and really in this situation logic logic is useless because logically it doesn't make sense that you're going to be with this guy but that's not why you're with this guy in the first place you're with them because of the emotions love that you're feeling the attachment that's formed there especially if there's this codependency going on where you're very needy and he's not needy at all then it's going to even worse in the situation even more so just by listening to this stuff if you're in that kind of relationship right now or you've experienced those dynamics as a woman then just hearing about it probably it's not going to help you because what's happening now is that you're still running on those emotions of love and we can talk about this for hour an hour an hour and you're still not going to get it it's not going to actually allow you to break it off in practice what I find is going to work is the following you're going to be experiencing more and more and more pain as this relationship continues and it gets worse and worse and worse and worse becomes more toxic it's going to pay you more and more and more and more until what happens is that that immense love that you have right now is going to get overtaken by the pain and when that happens there's going to be a shift and at that point you'll be able to break it off with this guy but until that happens you won't be able to break it off and the sad thing is that it might take a long time for this to happen it might take months it might take years for this to happen it might take a really really long time so if you have a lot of this this chemical attachment and right now your pain is down here you know it's got to grow and grow and grow and grow and grow a lot and one of the one of the dangers here is that really your life as this pain is growing you know time is passing the clock is ticking and your life is going further and further down the drain as this is happening especially if if you're starting get into physical abuse and verbal abuse and like really nasty kind of fights that kind of stuff so I don't know what to tell you because I'm a logical guy I'm telling you logical stuff all my videos are logic I have some videos that are you know trying to trigger you emotionally to get yourself taking action but that's really what you need is you need an emotional trigger because as a woman you're responsive to emotions much more so than logic and while you might understand all this and you might even agree with everything I'm telling you that still won't be enough what's going to have to happens that you have to get emotional leverage on yourself once you get that emotional leverage perhaps you can get the courage to break it off for good with this guy and never go back so that then you can move on to you know a better phase a better relationship in your life and from this experience maybe what you'll get what you're going to learn is that you should be less focused on finding the most dominant the most aggressive the most edgy the most indifferent players kind of guy you know less of an [ __ ] and go more for the nicer type of guy because even though upfront he now might be a sexy this nice guy might not be a sexy as the south of male guy this alpha male guy a lot of times it's really really hard to keep him in a relationship a lot of times he doesn't want to be in a relationship a lot of times he won't listen to you he won't coordinate with you and it's just not going to get you to what you ultimately want in your life maybe I mean every girl is different so every girl has different objectives but I'm kind of you know generalizing here so if you're fitting into the general trend then this this advice will work for you so that's that's basically what's going on here another point that I'll make is that a lot of women what I see them doing is they're backwards rationalizing their love especially the beginning of the relationship there's a backwards rationalization so you fall in love with the guy and then what tends to happen is you get these um you get these blind spots even your friends might be telling you well but look at this guy like he has a problem here he has a problem there maybe he's you know you doing bad at his job maybe he's broke maybe there's something else wrong with him and you're not going to see that because the chemical love that's there is just so great that it makes you blind to all those things and in your mind you tell yourself stuff like he's the perfect guy he's exactly the one that I wanted he's so sexy he's so so amazing you know he loves me so much but there is definitely this kind of blinding effect that's going on and you got to be careful about that and it's tricky because women might assume that you know the way to fix this problem is to screen the guy really really hard on the front right don't have sex with them immediately you might say you might say well let's go on 10 dates and after 10 dates we'll have sex I'll hold off for 10 days just to get to know them better the problem is with that is that if he's a really attractive guy he knows how to bust through that you're not going to be able to withhold for ten dates if he has a lot of options of the girls he'll simply either dump you by ten dates or he'll just get you so aroused you'll have sex with him within a few dates you're having to be able to wait for ten days ten dates that's the nice guy the nice guy waits for ten dates a player alpha-male doesn't wait for ten dates he has sex on the first or second date that's usually what happens and another even deeper point is that even if you do wait for ten dates you're not really going to get a sense of a guy's true identity and personality until you have sex with him you're not he's going to be acting fake you're not really going to get to know him what you're going to get to know you're going to get to get to know his mask and you're going to get to know a little bit about his life but generally it's still going to be very hard for you to to properly judge him as like them as a character you're not going to really get a sense of his true character just by going on ten dates with a guy you're going to need to sleep with him not even once you know you sleep with him five ten times then you start to get more of his authentic personality coming up more of his authentic behavior literally months need to pass before you get a real true sense of a guy it's hard to do it within even ten days so these problems are out there making you aware of them I don't have all the answers here I just kind of see that these are some of the some of the kind of like the land mines that are out there for women I think that's a lot of what what women tend to do is that when they're very young in their early 20s up through their mid-20s what they do is they hook up with a lot of like really attractive kind of alpha male type of guys because that's you know that's kind of the easy thing and it seems like that's going to what's going to work out and a lot of a lot of girls will hook up with those types of guys like the players right and they'll have a lot of fun with them but they'll have a hard time locking those guys down the relationships won't either won't happen or they'll happen but they'll very be very turbulent and unstable and then what happens is that as the as the woman's biological clock is ticking more and more more she's getting close to her 30s and then when she's in her 30s the clock is shaking even faster maybe she wants to have a family so at that point her priorities shift from wait a minute I don't really want the fun guy so much I want the Alpha get the got alpha male guy so much what I really want is I want someone a little more stable that can really that can work with me in a relationship and so at that point her filters I think change and she's screening a little bit more and they should be more tolerant of the nice guy type because even though the alpha male is very sexy on the front end it's the back end that a lot of women are really you know pursuing in relationships and so this back end you really need to have a kind of guy that you think will be able to manage that back end for a long time right who's not just sexy on the front end so I think that these are some of the characteristics and some of the details of why women fall for [ __ ] it is true if you're an [ __ ] you have a much better chance of attracting a woman on the front as far as keeping her that's another story alright this is Leo I'm signing off go ahead post your comments down below I'd love to hear what you think I'm going to be running off here and go ahead and also like my video click the like button so that this video shoots up and also please share it the more this content is shared the more free content I can keep releasing and finally come and sign up to my channel actually what I mean is the newsletter on my website sign up to the newsletter I'm releasing new videos weekly updates with all the videos that I'm going to be creating I have a lot of my best stuff still coming up and really the reason you want to sign up is because I want to help you to build a really holistic and accurate model of how to master your life how to create an extraordinary life for yourself whether that's creating an amazing career or business mastering your finances mastering your health mastering your relationships mastering your inner psychology really understand all of it so that you can go out there and architect that amazing kind of life that's so rare because people don't understand the stuff I'm going to be I'm going to be creating a lot more content in the months and years to come so be a part of that and you'll be learning every single week for free sign up right here you